About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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