she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
