I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
