I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
