Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
