I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
