Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would ride that face into the sunset
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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