I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
