Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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