My brain says no but my pants say off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
