omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
