I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
