Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
