wakey wakey hands off snakey
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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