Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
