i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
