You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
