I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
