I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
