His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
