I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
