I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
