Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
