JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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