we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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