His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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