I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
