Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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