If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
