Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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