he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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