there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
