You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
