dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
