After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
