we have officially lost it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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