Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
