I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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