1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
