your thong is hanging out like whoa
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
