we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
