he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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