but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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