when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize