i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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