just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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