So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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