i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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