I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
