you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
