she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
