Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
