He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
