I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
two words...techno handjob
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
