I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize