You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
