At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
