How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
