party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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