Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
