I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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