she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize