oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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