His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
