You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
