Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
