A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
