I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
