So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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