the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
