How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just crazy horny about you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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