The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
