my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
