Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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