he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize