I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize